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November 2009 
Do you believe there is value in suffering?
Posted on Jan 11th, 2009
by 
tinkonthebrink
tinkonthebrink
This is in Response to the Questions and Reflections for January 11, 2009:
I've read a couple of responses to this question of the suffering-is-optional school of thought, and I do completely agree that it's optional, but not being as completely enlightened as I would like, it still happens now and then. I think it does for all of us. I can look back and think, why did I bother to suffer, the events were what they were and I could have just skipped adding my suffering to them, but in those moments I didn't have that choice. In that moment I was human and overwhelmed.
An adored friend or pet dies unexpectedly - or even expectedly, after a long life. Something treasured is misplaced. A relationship ends, and if your own heart isn't broken then often you carry the pain of breaking someone else's heart. An event plays out in just the wrong way and there is that moment of realizing it, that stomach-sinking cold feeling that it's all gone terribly wrong. The house burns down. A job ends when the paycheck is not optional. I am not beyond suffering, even if it's unnecessary. So is there value in it?
I think the value is in that being human thing. Yes, the events could play out just the same with or without my suffering, but I wouldn't be just as human without my own response. I'm not talking about wallowing in misery, I'm just saying, I interact with my life, joys and sorrows, in a very human way. Maybe it would be nice to just take the good stuff and not get reactive to anything sad but that seems more like a fear of suffering to the point of denial to me. Where events and circumstances are in my control, I definitely try to minimize the occasions for suffering, and I think that effort makes me smarter and more capable and kinder. Trying not to hurt myself or anyone else is just good policy. And yet sometimes things get out of hand, and other times they were never in my control in the first place, and a little suffering isn't the end of the world, not even my own little world.
In the end, I guess the value is in just being alive and being human, caring and meaning well and trying to get it right and longing and hoping and loving and embracing all of it.
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great blog – thanks for this.
yes….there are many times when I too wondered why I suffered. You’d think that would be enough to learn…but it doesn’t always work that way. Nice thoughts.
Lovely and thoughtful, Tink. Saying YES to life isn’t always easy, but it’s the only way we can live and grow and love and give. Here’s to the embrace.
Part of the way i have learned to appreciate so much of what i feel and have is through the suffering. Recognition is key to compassion I think. It doesn’t feel good to suffer for me yet i still do and will again it is in my nature,and in the nature of life.
Infinite stories,hearts,souls, a million shades of blue and green….and love
Always love it when there ticks in a message in my inbox saying “There is a new blog entry by tinkonthebrink”. And as usual I don’t have much to add, except thank you! I always enjoy your insightful comments and your, at times, slightly weird way of looking at things. :)
Jeannie, I won’t write a response to this question because you have said what I would have struggled to say so brilliantly. I do think that there is a paradoxical strength and sense of self that in my experience comes through difficulty and pain and not so profoundly through joy and triumph. and that just seems to be the way it is. I’ve gotten to where I can kind of feel into that process, painful as it may be, when it’s happening, too. the only way out is through.
Jeannie
I share Wonderer’s giddy feelings when I see you have a blog entry as well.
Laura……yup…..THROUGH seems the cleanest and the better lesson all around. Any other way PAST the suffering is just a THROUGH waiting to be done…..And waiting….and…….
Jeannie, I can hear you say these words. Being human, wow, and thanks…..